THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
her so. That began a two-month email and phone friendship. We talked for hours on end (and the Sprint ten-cents-a-minute phone bills proved that). Two months later, I planned a trip out to meet her for the first time in person. It is not every day someone gets the opportunity for two first impressions, but I did.
When I first saw her, I was blown away by her outward beauty. And I’m sure she was blown away by my Caesar cut, gold chain, black shirt, and vest (said very facetiously ). I was a youth pastor and associate pastor in inner-city New Jersey, and I did my best to look the part.
We went to a place called Solvang for the afternoon. Needless to say, my second first impression in person was not as much of a win as my first “first impression” over email and phone. We (she) decided we needed to start over as if we had never met before. I think I scared her. However, by the end of my week visiting her, I had won over her mom, dad, sister, and her. We have been married since 1998.
I am more than grateful Tania decided to let me prove myself over a period of time instead of taking her first impression and moving on to the next guy.
Relationships and Friendships Take Time
A really great friend of mine says getting to know someone takes four seasons at least—to go through four weather seasons and the seasons of life together before you can honestly feel you know someone. If you base your potential relationship with someone (and I am not referring only to romantic relationships, but all connections with people) on just a few short moments and then decide not to proceed in getting to know them, you may miss out on an incredible relationship.
We’ve all heard the saying, “First impressions are everything!” Not only did I hear this growing up—I actually believed it! Sometimes first impressions can be right on target. However, they are not one hundred percent and certainly not foolproof. Malcolm Gladwell, noted author of the book Outliers , was quoted as saying, “We don’t know where our first impressions come from or precisely what they mean, so we don’t always appreciate their fragility.”¹ We should always do our best at letting people see who we are at a first meeting, but cautiously. If we fake who we are to make a good first impression, we can begin the troublesome road of deception. Be sure, the real you will come out eventually.
A caveat: You decide what you allow people to know and understand about you. This chapter by no means suggests you should hide the areas where you need improvement. Just don’t lie about who you are.